WHO AM I?... LOVE THYSELF....LIFE AND LIVING

Relationships of every kind - Friendships, Marriages, Employer/Employee e.t.c are a projection of the individuals involved. So it is safe to say the success or failure of any relationship depends on who the individuals are and what they are made up of - Values, Interests, Morals, Experiences, Background....



Once upon a time, I had issues in many of my relationships. 'Relationship' as would be used often in subsequent posts cuts across all forms and not just the intimate man/woman relationship, and in this new age intimate man/man, woman/woman relationships (so help us God), but I digress.
 

Because I wasn't really sure of myself, I was a people pleaser. I needed to get validated even if it meant hurting and cheating myself. And then when the friend, boyfriend or whoever didn't reciprocate in the way I would have wanted, I got sucked into feeling I wasn't good enough, wasn't doing enough. It continued like that for a long time till I had a really bad experience that woke me up (would think about sharing that story sometime soon) and changed my view of myself forever.



Then came self love. The greatest lesson I had on learning to know myself, accept myself, love myself and improve on myself was from T.D Jakes in his book 'THE LADY, HER LOVER, HER LORD', I would recommend this book to every woman (Christian, Muslim, Buddhist) who really wants to know how to get into herself. It's an amazing read and very relatable.


 

The honest truth and cliché as it may sound, you can't love anyone else if you don't love your self and have confidence in who you are.

Many of us are battered and embittered by the past, childhood experiences and so on. Sometimes these experiences remain in our subconscious and we refuse to deal with them. Unconsciously they affect us and we don't even realize it.

Here's a very valid one which unfortunately still affects a lot of females well into their 30's (whether you choose to accept it or not). As a young developing teenage girl, pretty face, nice body, skin and all the works, all the guys come around you. They tell you how sexy you look and how you could pass for Kim Kardashian's twin.


In most cases, such a young girl feels good hearing that and does even more to accentuate her features (skirts become shorter, necklines plunge deeper...) and of course the compliments flood in till you are almost drowned in them. Then the gifts start to pour in until you find your legs being spread on more beds than an interior decorator has ever set eyes on.

What has happened to that young girl is she is being validated by her looks and starts to believe she can have all she wants if she remains sexy. It doesn't help when you come from a background where nobody tells you you are smart, intelligent and creative. It doesn't help when as Kim Kardashian's twin, your classmate with straight A's and the nerdy look gets no love from 'it' guys in school. It doesn't help when society says there's a certain way you should look to be accepted. These days of social media?....*sigh*

That is just one of many instances. Many of us have passed through this phase and not many have been fortunate to survive it.

This is not to say you shouldn't look good (I am a struggling #fitfam member. Yes I want to remain a yummy mummy till I'm 70. AMEN!!!).

But you need to find out the things that are really unique about you. What value can you add to any relationship you find yourself in? Are your friends friends with you because you are pretty with a big a** and can get them VIP passes into QUILOX? Does your boyfriend think the world of you because of your long yellow legs and wants to show you off to his guys that he scored a great one?

Stop thinking of yourself as an object, look deep within and ask yourself who you really are, accept what you find, love what you find and develop yourself.

As for the not so flattering qualities, dump them. You'd be a better friend, lover, employer, employee when you are confident in yourself. Negative situations will hardly get to you and when they do, you find that you are over it in no time. Low Self Esteem leads to depression and that can be your death sooner than you expect. Life is for the living. LIVE.LOVE.LAUGH.LEARN and then LOVE all over again.


XOXO,

JAY